Day 35 - Willing/Morality (Tiffany)

"What you do in this life is in direct proportion to your courage and ability to will, to set your eyes on a goal and head toward it."

I was really thinking about this concept of "will" yesterday as I was writing out affirmations. I thought to myself when I say, "I will" do this, does that mean that it actually happens, do I trust my own words when I say "I will" or am I bunch of talk. I watched this Mentorship DVD of Juanita Bynum where she instructed everyone to buy a Franklin Planner and she said the point of it is to write what we plan to do because if we don't even live by what we plan, how can others take us seriously when we don't even take ourselves seriously?

I used to buy planners every year and was always organizing, but after about a month or two I'd fall off. I wasn't committing to what I wrote in these planners. I wrote down what I will do, but I hardly followed what I wrote down.

I believe that as I've been journeying through this Soul Fast for the second time, I'm trying to be more authentic and integral with who I say I am. I don't want to LIE to myself. It's one thing to lie to others, but you're in some trouble when you are lying to yourself. You cannot get anywhere if you LIE to yourself.

"Success is a byproduct of what God wills for you...True success requires you to be willing to let go as you let God work out His will through you." ~ Cindy Trimm

I find it interesting that this book is taking me back to some inner things. I had many dreams recently about people in my life. I have a feeling that these dreams all have to deal with growth. I may have handled some relationships quite immaturely in the past. I really didn't know how to handle them, and I was still learning to grow myself, so how they were cut off were really inauthentic to who I really am. I can't live one way at home and another way in the world.

I think God is showing me this in my time of humility and living with someone else. I have been having a hard time because I want to be the true me, but because some of the things I'm dealing with financially make it hard to be who I am totally...but why do I feel like that is hindering me from being myself? Why can't I just be me...and state what I believe. I need to be all the way transparent so that I won't feel like I'm lying to myself...I can't move forward and help others if I feel like I'm lying to myself!